So, there has been so much going on in my life these days and so I thought I'd update you all!
Wow, this year has definitely been the craziest year of my life so far! I can't even explain in words how much I have grown and how happy I am to be where I am today. I know in my past blogs on here I've explained some of the more recent things that have gone on and just the way they have left me feeling. One of my main problems is always having a little anger towards God and asking Him "why?" way too much! Well, this past week has been such an eye opening experience for me.
I cannot stop thanking God for what has gone on in my life in the past and thanking those that have helped me through it all. I have always felt a little bit ashamed and not so thrilled about staying home and going to community college. It was a decision that suited me financially at the time and also my boyfriend at the time played a little bit of a roll in that decision also. (something I don't like to admit too much) Anyways, I was always jealous of all my friends meeting new people and having all these awesome times away at school while I'm at home, living with my parents (love you guys to death and thanks for putting up with me!), going to lame-O CLC (it's a good school though if you're going there), and working but my butt off as a server about 25-30 hours a week. I guess what I'm saying is, it hasn't been the most fun 2 years! BUT, I'm soooo glad I stayed. Today, I was looking back on things and thinking about how different my life would be right now if I would have gone away as a freshman. Let me share with you my thoughts....
I probably would have just followed the norm of college and gotten wrapped up in the whole party scene. I would have called myself a Christian, but wouldn't have been living it out. I would be dating jerks who would treat me like dirt or I would have still stayed with you know who, but he fits what I just said anyways. ha I also probably would not have done very well academically because I didn't really care too much before and I would have cared way more about the social aspect of it. I would have just been this girl who was trying to find her place and would have probably messed up big time. That all just sounds so sad and lonely.
When I graduated high school in May 2008, wow it's been 2 YEARS!!, I was a sad and lonely girl. I called myself a Christian, sure, I had friends that I hung out with, of course, and I had an "amazing" boyfriend, yep. Read what I first said again tho... CALLED myself a Christian... wow... the way I was living my life then compared to the way I am today is so vastly different! I sure put on an act, but behind closed doors God didn't matter squat to me. I didn't care about what I thought about or what me and my boyfriend did, or what movies I would watch or how I would speak to my family. NO! I was not living my life for the Lord. All I focused on about Christianity was not drinking or doing drugs, staying a virgin until marriage and not swearing. Hitting all three of those made me feel like a good Christian then. There was no relationship with God at all or anything. It breaks my heart to look back on that! How can I not put our Lord and Savior as number one in my life and surrender all of me up to Him after he died a brutal death on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins?? I cannot believe He came to earth and did that for ME, little me and all the rest of you sinners too! It just blows my mind how we can all sin day after day, week after week and go by without asking for His forgiveness and acknowledging what He did for us!!
This all brings me back to why I can be so happy about where I am in my life today. There is no way I would be the person I am today if it were not for the hurt I have had to deal with. I am so glad that I stayed home for school, even though I was not having as much fun as my friends were, I grew with the Lord a in a deeper way that I know would not have been possible if I were to have gone away. I would have been way too social and would not have taken the hours upon hours of time to spend with just me and God like I did this year. I got to feel loneliness and get comfort from the Lord in that. I'm such a people person and God knows that. He knew that I needed to have this time for just me and Him and not be distracted by friends living around me. Of course it's still very hard to be alone and not have some human to comfort me (specifically a guy of course) and make me feel better after a hard day at work or to sit and watch a movie with me when I don't feel well, but God is going to honor the fact that I am waiting on His timing for someone to come along.
A huge challenge these past few years has been trying to figure out where I want to go to school. I have truly never known until the past few months. I always was so frustrated and upset with myself that I didn't have some "plan". Well, I'm going to school in Nashville, TN next year!!!!! Why in the world am I going to Nashville??? Well because my favorite sister and brother-in-law moved there last August. Speaking of a God thing... there whole year has been such a story to tell about that as well. They were really the ones that drew me to Nashville and the idea of going down there. I have applied to Belmont University, which I am still waiting to hear from, and also Lipscomb University, which I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO!!!!! Holy cow, I got into college!! It's still blowing my mind. haha Both of these schools are such a great fit for me and I love them! So no wonder why I have been confused about where I was meant to go. Why the heck would I have looked at Nashville before?? It all worked out in God's timing!! Kelly and Steven went down there and I fell in love with that city. I'm so excited about moving there that I could just scream about it (my parents wouldn't be too happy about that right now though since it is 2am). eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
Thank you, Lord, for getting me through this hard time in my life and really, for putting me through it! I finally am starting to feel hopeful for the future. Who cares if I don't have some guy to share my life with. Guys are butt heads anyways!! I have the almighty God by my side and He will never let me go! So God, bring on the future!! I can take it and I promise to lift your name on high with all that I do. (Well obviously I'll stumble at times, but I'll try with everything inside of me).
I'm leaving for Nashville tomorrow afternoon to go and visit Lipscomb. It's a very last minute trip and I'm only spending all day Friday there and coming back home on Saturday. Please be praying that God really shows me the plan He has for me with college next year. I'm still waiting to hear from Belmont as well, so please pray for patience in that too.
I feel so blessed to have so many people in my life who have helped push me along this year!!
Kelly
Steven
Corrie
Carissa
Becca
Sam
Rachel
Mom
Dad
Grandma
Aunt Carol
Cameron
Brian
Shaunes
Cheryl
Briana
Megan
If you guys are reading this... thank you so much for helping me this year! I could not have gotten out of bed some days without your continued prayers and encouraging words! You have all been incredible and my acceptance into school has a big part to do with the impact that you have made on my life. You are all so loved and have been amazing blessings! I will never forget anything that you have done for me!!
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