I get so excited when God teaches, reteaches, and again reteaches me things!!
In my life, I have completely fallen into the habit of always needing a person to lean on and go to for everything, especially needing that person to be a guy. I sometimes get really scared about doing things on my own and it's a very difficult thing to deal with. I'm very good at telling people what I know about things, but then I really don't act those things out in my life. For example, I can tell people over and over that things will not be completely right in their life if God is not their first priority. I know that God has not been number one throughout my life and I've realized that that is where so many of my problems are rooted. Since I've realized that, I'm able to tell people that and tell them how important that is, so yeah, I know it, but I'm not really doing that. It's a really tough thing. We're all human and we're going to stumble. A girl in my small group a couple weeks ago shared with the group some things that she had recently been learning. She said that the way you can see if God is number one in your life is to see what you think about the most and what you feel about the most. She said that and I seriously was like, "wow, God is totally not what I think about the most or feel about the most." I felt so ashamed and guilty for everything I had been saying since I myself was not doing that. Surely I want God to be number one, but I was definitely more focused on guys, friendships, tv, my job, pretty much everything besides Him.
So, I have a bad obsession with the show The Bachelor/Bachelorette. When it's on I am dedicated to watching the show every week, reading all about it and talking about it with anyone and everyone who is interested. Now, if I would only put that much time and energy into my relationship with the Lord I think I would be doing a lot better then I am today! I could have been reading my Bible instead of reading numerous blogs from Chris Harrison about The Bachelor scandals or I could have been talking about Jesus with people at work instead of bashing Vienna. All of that crap has nothing, whatsoever, positive to do with my daily life or the salvation of myself and others.
I have been desiring this life of making God my number one, but, like many things, it's easier said then done. I want to live my life for the Lord only. Psalm 103:1 "Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name." I want to live out this verse in my life!! I want my life to be full of praises to Him. I don't want to worry about all these earthly things anymore. I'm tried of feeling lonely. I want to feel complete in the Lord and praise Him and bring honor and glory to Him with everything that I do. With that being through my job, my friendships, my relationships with my family and with the way I think and act about things. This year I have been challenged with finding my identity in Christ and there have been a few things have distracted me from that. I have the hardest time being content with where I am in my life. I'm always worrying about what is going to happen and where I'll be in my life next year. And of course I'm always worrying about finding another guy. I really don't want to find another guy though. I want to find my identity in Christ and be content with just knowing that it's just me and Him. The Lord is my comfort and my shield of protection. He has carried me through so much this past year and I've been so blessed. So now... I'm trying to be excited for where I'm at in my life now and looking forward to the future in a positive way!! God knows what I need, so I need to stop worrying so much!
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