Hello! I hope you all are having a great week! I wanted to start my first blog entry with introducing some different things about me and more importantly how my walk with the Lord began, so pretty much my testimony, but in a a bit of a nut shell.
I have been blessed with an amazing family where I have been raised in a Christian home and attended church and youth group on a weekly basis. As I grew up I always looked up to my Mom with her amazing, strong faith in the Lord. But you can't live your own faith through your parent's faith. So, as I grew older and went through junior high I really tried to make my relationship with Him my own. But, it was never at the point of where I wanted it to be. During my entire childhood I spent most every summer weekend at our cottage in Twin Lakes, WI that my Dad's family all shared. That was the highlight of my life. All through the school year I couldn't stop thinking about how badly I wanted summer to come so I could get back up there and have a blast with my family out on the water.... I could probably devote an entire blog to that whole experience, but I will not bore you with all of that. Anyways, the summer between my eighth grade year and freshman year we put the house up for sale for many different reasons. This seriously broke my heart. I remember the first time I saw the for sale sign and going to our front porch where I balled my eyes out. It felt like someone was ripping something out of my life that I just could not let go of, but was going to have no choice. October 1, 2004 the house was signed over to the new owners. I will never ever be able to forget those memories in my life. The reason I am sharing this is because this is where a lot of things in my life started to take a turn. I wish this would have been a time of taking good turns, but it unfortunately wasn't at first. After the house was sold, I felt that there was a huge hole in my heart that would never be able to be filled and I was so angry and hurt because of that. I was not necessarily mad at my family for doing this, but more at God for letting it actually happen. I didn't understand. This is where our family bonded. Yeah, we all got sick of each other and butted heads sometimes in a house with 3 bedrooms, no air conditioning in 100 degree weather sometimes and then with up to like 13 people in the house. It was crazy a lot of times, but definitely the best memories of my childhood. Lake Elizabeth was where I found my true love of water skiing, boating and just the love for the lake in general. I couldn't believe it was gone. I hated the world. I hated God. I was great at keeping a lot of my feelings to myself and putting on a great smile when I needed to in front of my friends and family. My room was the place I would go and shut my door and let everything out. Since I turned my back on God, didn't talk to my friends or family really, I chose to lean on just about anything to get through this. Everything I clung to would just slip away like sand between your fingertips and would leave me feeling even more alone and empty. I really struggled with my actual life at the time. I really didn't see what the point of living was anymore. How ridiculous right? It was just a house. It wasn't just a house to me though. It was my EVERYTHING! I became best friends with my Dad up there. I skied for the first time there. I learned to swim there. I got really close with my cousins. And I started to really get close to my Grandparent's. It could never be the same I thought. Where was I going to ski anymore? When would I ever stay up late with my Grandma and whip her butt at a game of UNO while we munched on her amazing cakes? Where was my family ever going to be able to all sit around a dinner table drooling over my Grandma's amazing meals and Grandpa's delicious BBQ again in our bathing suits with all 3 or 4 dogs running under our feet all wet and sandy? Or when was I ever going to wake up to my Grandma sitting in the kitchen waiting to make me my usual fried eggs with a side of toast and a small glass of OJ? No where!! That thought used to kill me and still does. I love my family to death and it was never going to be the same. As I finally started to deal with the grief in a healthy way by finally talking to my parents about it and seeking professional help, I realized that this was like a death to me. It was something that was there one day and gone the next and we can never get it back. We literally can't. The jerky new owners knocked down our very quaint little cottage and built an extremely obnoxious, cold mansion with an indoor swimming pool. Really? A pool at at a lake house?? Do they really need a swimming pool when they have a gorgeous lake to enjoy??? IDIOTS! Sorry, that's my little rant about them. So, it really could never be the same again.
As I started to work through my feelings, I wanted to slap myself over and over again for the way that I had been dealing with this. I was running from God instead of running to Him to help me through this. God does not take things away from us for no reason. He knows the big picture for our lives. So, why would I be mad at Him? He knew what He was doing! I wasn't giving Him the attention that He wanted and deserves from me and I wasn't trusting Him how we are called to. I was holding this simple house and all the fun times and family bonds in the place where God should have been in my life. I think everyone can struggle with things like that. I mean honestly, it's hard not to sometimes. We are sinners and it's easy to do. I learned in a very hard way that that is not what is best for us. God is what is best and He should be our EVERYTHING and not any sort of material thing or earthly relationship. Yes, we can be passionate about things and love people and whatever, but God should be what we are most passionate about and who we love the most, ALWAYS! This is not an if, and, or but statement. It's the truth!!
This past October it was the fifth anniversary for the house being sold. In the matter of five years I have learned sooooo much. And a lot of the things I learned were the outcome of the loss that I had been dealing with. Of course, I had my up and down times throughout high school. I was friends with certain people, dated certain guys and did certain things that were not positive for my walk with the Lord at all. Again, all of those were part of my learning experience and God wanted me to go through those times. He needed to see that I was fully devoted to Him, which I definitely wasn't and He was trying to teach me to be. I was still leaning too much on people for things, which is one of my biggest faults and something that I really try and work on daily. God kept making it clear to me that I needed to lean on Him more, but I just wouldn't listen. I was having too much "fun" doing whatever I wanted to do. Well, God knew that, so He started to take things away from me. Things that were super important to me. That was the only way to get my attention. That brings me to where I am today. I have had to deal with some pretty difficult things this year. I would not be where I am today though if I wouldn't have gone through losing my lake house. I would have probably ran from the Lord like I had done before and honestly it scares the crap out of me to even think of what I might have done and where I would possibly be today if it wasn't for Him. My first experience of heartache ended up teaching me so much about the Lord. I learned that nothing can go smoothly if He isn't the center of your life and if you're not going to Him with everything. Turning away was no good the first time I did it so, that gave me no reason to do it again. So, as another big wave in my life hit me about a year ago, I had learned to run into the arms of our Lord and savior instead of run away. It's the only way!
As you have read this story of my experience I hope that you have really listened and I pray that you take time to pray about where you are in your life and your relationship with God. Are there things that you are holding way too high in your life? Maybe your education, your family, your home, your pets, your friendships, romantic relationships, vacations, your job or even exercising. Is God above all of those in your life because if you just said "no", well He needs to be. Get all of that aligned correctly in your life and see how all of a sudden things will really start to look better for you in your life. Not to say that because God is number 1 in your life everything will be a walk in the park or anything, but I promise it will be easier to get through whatever it is you may be going through in your life at this time. Open His word everyday, spend quality time with Him and ask Him to help you make Him the number 1 priority in your life. He will help you with that. I know that to be true because He has helped me immensely with that and I am at a way different spot in my life than I thought I ever would be.
Thanks for taking the time to read my first real entry. I will try and keep up with this at least once a week. I have a lot more to share about what I am really presently learning right now while probably still adding to this story about my past.
How great is our God!!
Amen!
0 comments:
Post a Comment